Goin’ Fishin’

Cheryl Peterson -Ok, so like I took all the MS classes, MS 101 and so forth. As far as I know I’m still fairly intelligent, I’m sure others may disagree. Stay out of the heat, work out in an air conditioned atmosphere, take tepid baths. Tepid – 1) moderately warm, 2) lukewarm – Merriam Webster dictionary

Ohhhhhh, but girls don’t you have wonderful day dreams of soaking in a sea of bubbles, a glass of wine in your hand, scented tea lights gently illuminating the room. Music that quietly takes you to far off lands.

Once in a while a girl just needs a good soak.

Now I live alone in a very small apartment so maneuvering can sometimes be tedious. But I just HAD to. I turned on the hot faucet and set about making ready for my Calgon moment. Soft rug, bath towel, scented soap, bubbles poured in the rising water after I added a little cold water (to comply with the rules) and a good book. It had been ages and I was really looking forward to my little treat.

And a treat it was. First toe had to be immediately withdrawn but little by little I finally reclined, wine, candles and all. Luxurious. I had not felt so relaxed and at peace with the world in some time. Take a nice, slow deep breath, exhale.

Sooner or later reality kicks in. How did the water get so chilled? Where are my bubbles? Why is my dog Toledo looking at me like that? Guess he should go for a walk. I unplugged the water and let it drain.

It suddenly dawned on me. My legs and arms have no strength. Not even a little. My cell phone is in the kitchen; I don’t have a land line. I also don’t have a hand bar to grab (not that it would have done me any good) I can’t get out of my own tub. I really CAN’T. I am stuck here, by myself, unable to help myself. The anxious-meter rose swiftly; which would only serve to make me weaker.

Great. I just did everything I was taught not to do. I’ll be sitting here in this tub for days. I sure hope someone misses me. Won’t do them any good to call. The phone is in another room. Toledo can’t help; he’s only sixteen pounds. I don’t even think neighbors could hear him barking.

I tried to get on my hands and knees. Nope, no arms. I put one arm over the rounded edge of the tub but couldn’t reach the floor. Tried to turn over again. Nope, no legs either. Rest and think.

One final push with every ounce of strength I could pull from nowhere and hurled myself partially up and over the lip. I can’t even go there for a visual. I see the headlines, “ Middle aged, plumpish woman found bare naked, apparently trying to exit tub”. Well, if apostle Peter could get out of the boat; I can get out of this tub! Help me Lord I’ve got one final fling in me.

I pushed with all my might, or more like slid over the side of the tub landing in a splat on the floor like a caught fish on a line. Legs and arms flailing. There I lay. In all my glory. At that moment I was grateful I live alone, and Toledo won’t talk.

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