I realize my entire adult life has been focused on what I can “get done”. I have taken home organization and goal setting classes and have considered myself a professional in creating the organized life that I have.
Until now. I’ve lived the past eighteen years with multiple sclerosis.
This MS experience has slowed me down and my focus has changed from what I can “get done” to what I can “become”.
Since I can’t move quickly, I have a lot of time to think (people are always saying ‘take your time’ as if I have a choice). As I wander through my daily life, I pay attention to the personal growth opportunities presented.
I understanding that 95% of my thoughts and choices are controlled by my subconscious mind. Programming my subconscious mind is as simple as deciding what to believe. When the words are written and repeated, like magic, my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are on autopilot.
I recognize this MS experience has been a crash course of learning how to become the person I want to be.
The other day when I woke up I said out loud, I am so full of love that nothing else matters.
I feel that I have gone through the whole grieving process of denial, begging, and then accepting life with MS, yet I still feel like I have to work at embracing a life that looks so different from what I had planned.
Reality slaps me in the face when the family leaves me home to take a late night hike up the mountain, of course making sure it’s okay with me, but what am I going to say, “No, stay here with me?”
Or when I can’t get up from the floor after mopping up a spill and have to crawl to the other room to pull myself up on the end table.
When I read Nicole’s latest post, Never Apologize I could totally relate. I regularly apologize to the people in my life who so graciously give their time and energy to help or entertain me.
When I read when Nicole’s husband said to her, “Don’t ever apologize for having MS,” tears came to my eyes.