I don’t know what to do about my arms. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to have them. But sometimes at night, I don’t know what to do with them. I am not talking about when they decide to misbehave and go all tingly and start dropping things; that I am used to. I am talking about when I am trying to fall asleep and they just seem to be in the way. No matter how I try to get comfortable, one of my arms is keeping me from doing so. If I try to lay my arms at my sides, they get all weird and restless. Sometimes one of them decides to suddenly fly up in the air all by itself.
How come they are not able to just relax and rest? My whole MS body wants to rest ALL the time. But not my arms. I think they call this spasticity and it is common for people with multiple sclerosis. Most people get this issue in their legs but, as my MS is not your MS, it is my arms that get super spastic.
Lying in bed thinking about what to do with these arms of mine makes me think of music from my teen years. No, I am not old enough to remember when Otis Redding recorded These Arms of Mine in 1962. But I WAS a teen when it was included in the Dirty Dancing soundtrack in the eighties. RIP Patrick Swayze.
Here is another bizarre thing my MS brain does; it goes on a rambling tangent. Thinking about that song makes me wonder what other songs from my teens might describe my MS. Start Me Up? Maybe, but I’m not sure that really fits. True, with my constant fatigue, I could stand to be started up, but most of the time I don’t have the energy to make the request. Comfortably Numb? That might work. My brain certainly spends a lot of numb time in my MS world. But what about my numb limbs? That is not comfortable at all. Maybe Pink Floyd meant to call the song Uncomfortably Numb? That would be better. Cruel Summer? The heat and humidity are certainly cruel, cruel, cruel……
But I am looking for a song to describe my MS as a whole. Thus it was, that I also rejected Superfreak, Hit Me with Your Best Shot, All Night Long, I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For and Crazy Train. And then I got it- Needles and Pins. Not the original of course; again, way before my time. But the version recorded by Tom Petty and Stevie Nicks is a great choice for my MS theme song.
My life is all about needles now, and between my shots at home and the constant blood work for two medical conditions (can’t the different docs ever combine the results?), I am a living pin cushion. And then there’s the occasional pins and needles feeling in my legs and feet. Add to that the stepping on a pin feeling they also get, and Needles and Pins is the perfect song. The lyrics even add to its MS perfection.
“Get down on my knees and pray, that there’d come a day. And still it begins. Needles and Pins. Because of all my pride, the tears I’ve got to hide….”
Now the song is blasting in my head and my MS brain has no idea how I started thinking about this. I need to get some sleep. Wish I knew what to do with these arms of mine…..
I would love to hear what music others with MS can relate to! What is your theme music?!!!
About the author: Yvonne deSousa was diagnosed with relapsing/remitting multiple sclerosis in 2009. Yvonne created her blog designed to help those with chronic illness laugh amid tears. Yvonne also enjoys writing about Cape Cod history and has been published on Cape Women Online and in the Provincetown Banner, and Cape Cod Times. Visit Yvonne online at YvonnedeSousa.com or Yvonne deSousa on Facebook