Weight Loss 4 Wellness Update ~ Depression & Confessions

It’s been over a week now, probably closer to two, that I’ve had a dark cloud over my head following me around. It often comes with a knot in my stomach that aches like I’ve swallowed a bag full of marbles. Do you know that feeling?

That’s what my depression feels like. Actually, the dark cloud feeling is the depression for me and the marbles in my gut is my anxiety. On the worst of the depression days I tend to do absolutely nothing productive and call those my “I just don’t give a shit days”.  Can you relate?  <grin>  It’s physically painful just to try and process a train of thought, never mind the emotional drain that leaves me ready to burst into tears.

I generally only lose about 1 or 2 days a month to the dark cloud but it’s taking it’s own sweet time to dissipate this time. And does it make any sense at all that I’m depressed after having reached a 50-lb weight loss? NOOOOO!!!!  But of course depression doesn’t always make sense, sometimes I can find the trigger, other times there doesn’t seem to be one.

And this level of depression is very typical of what’s always driven me off my wellness path in the past. All the cards on the table? It totally has this time around too. After a whole month without a cigarette, I bought a package this weekend. And I hit a drive-through at least 5 times this week!

looking down on woman standing on a digital scale - 244.4lbsIt’s totally inconceivable but the good news is that I actually lost a half a pound this past week in spite of it all. Weighing in at 244.4 today, I’m down from 244.8 last weekend.

I’ll be ramping up the walking again this week (got rained out a few times last week) and will try to use the walking to disarm my anxiety, and get rid of the marbles.

They say that about 10% of the population lives with depression and anxiety. Me? I think it’s way higher than that, especially considering these conditions are very hereditary.

What about you? Do you have any mental health issues that you have to manage on top of your MS?

 

Trish

TRISH ROBICHAUD is an award-winning Life & Business Coach who lives with MS. She teaches women living with chronic illness or disability how to honour and accommodate their health as a foundation for life. Book a free OPTIMAL HEALTH or HEALTHY BUSINESS Strategy Session at www.ChangingPaces.com or www.MSrelief.com.

9 Comments:

  1. Trish,
    I’m impressed that you are willing to share! Everyone needs to know that this is outside of your comfort zone! I know everyone realizes your talented and giving spirit, the time you spend accomplishing an unbelievable amount of tasks, but what we all didn’t realize that you do it all while feeling horribly!

    I’m glad you are sharing because there are others who are having similar experiences and I know you’ll overcome and show others that they can too!

    You are an incredible lady!
    Love you,
    Linda

  2. Stephanie Tinney

    I’m sorry Trish to hear about your struggles but am so glad you are now on the other end of it to brighter, more focused days. I have depressive cycles too but they look different from yours. Mine include lack of concentration, inability to focus on task at hand (anything from taking twice as long to complete a familiar, simple recipe to budget analysis), and incredible irritability (poor husband, kid, dog and cats!). I have found that my depression now is mostly related to my hormones and balancing them out has helped the symptoms. Blessings to you and here’s to healthier days for us all! (my glass is raised for a toast)

    • Hey Stephanie~
      I’m sure that Trish will be commenting also but I just need to say hello! It’s fun to see you here on http://www.MSrelief.com!
      Linda

    • Thanks for sharing on our common ground Stephanie! Yes, depression (as opposed to what one might think) looks different for everyone, just like MS. I cry a lot at the drop of a hat when I’m depressed and I have no motivation at all. Hence the “I just don’t give a shit” expression. My best strategy for coping with the depression is to just go with it; give myself permission to do NOTHING that day without feeling guilty for it. It’s the guilt that used to make things way worse for me. Two days without a cigarette again now. Yeah! Thanks Stephanie! ~Trish:-)

  3. margaret (peggy) o'neill

    Your comments/feelings depression, anxiety and ms describe mine exactly! You sound interesting, I feel like hearing more. Had trouble going to the website though. I’m in Seattle…do you speak publicly? Thank you for sharing, love the blog.
    Peg

  4. Trish,
    Did I write this blog and not remember? I relate to everything you discribed so well that I could have written it myself. Thank you for your open honesty. You are motivating me to walk right along with you. And maybe now that the weather is allowing us to have a summer. I can get it done. Thanks again

  5. Hi Trish- I’m so sorry it has been such a difficult time these last few weeks. I know how those days can feel and how easy it is to fall back to bad habits in a hopeless search for comfort. I can totally relate and appreciate your honesty. I have been so moved by your hard work and have been frustrated by my own lack of taking my healthy seriously, that I have decided to get serious and start blogging about my experience to help hold me accountable.
    In the meantime, and I know it is MUCH easier said than done, try to get humor in whenever possible. When I have my dark days my humor often becomes a little twisted and directed at something that legitamately ticks me off, even if it is life itself. But in its own small way, it sometimes helps….

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