It’s been over a week now, probably closer to two, that I’ve had a dark cloud over my head following me around. It often comes with a knot in my stomach that aches like I’ve swallowed a bag full of marbles. Do you know that feeling?
That’s what my depression feels like. Actually, the dark cloud feeling is the depression for me and the marbles in my gut is my anxiety. On the worst of the depression days I tend to do absolutely nothing productive and call those my “I just don’t give a shit days”. Can you relate? <grin> It’s physically painful just to try and process a train of thought, never mind the emotional drain that leaves me ready to burst into tears.
I generally only lose about 1 or 2 days a month to the dark cloud but it’s taking it’s own sweet time to dissipate this time. And does it make any sense at all that I’m depressed after having reached a 50-lb weight loss? NOOOOO!!!! But of course depression doesn’t always make sense, sometimes I can find the trigger, other times there doesn’t seem to be one.
And this level of depression is very typical of what’s always driven me off my wellness path in the past. All the cards on the table? It totally has this time around too. After a whole month without a cigarette, I bought a package this weekend. And I hit a drive-through at least 5 times this week!
I’ll be ramping up the walking again this week (got rained out a few times last week) and will try to use the walking to disarm my anxiety, and get rid of the marbles.
They say that about 10% of the population lives with depression and anxiety. Me? I think it’s way higher than that, especially considering these conditions are very hereditary.
What about you? Do you have any mental health issues that you have to manage on top of your MS?