Where I am Today

I’d like to start this story where I am today, here and now. Twelve years after I first heard those life changing words from an unfamiliar doctor, “I am 99% sure you have Multiple Sclerosis”.

Basically all of the fears and worries those words prompted came true in one way or another. I am no longer able to drive. Walking is much harder than it should be for a 36 year old. But what was most painful? The reality that I am no longer capable of working; in conventional terms that is! My routine visit to my occupational therapist knocks the wind right out of me! Now MS has ripped away certain aspects of my life and changed others completely! This I accept. But I refuse to let it dampen the essence of who I am! Before MS, I was a comical and studious young lady. Now I may not be as lively as I was, but at heart, I’m the same old Nicole. As many friends say after they conjure up the courage to stop by and see me in this new normal.

Since, my old normal was ransacked and thrown away like yesterday’s trash, I had to forge forward somehow. The competitive nature in me still stood center stage.

To be honest, I no longer recognized who I was! But after the shock of everything faded away and the tears dried up, I got reinforcements of family and supportive caregivers around me. In time, I started writing and teaching myself Spanish! I told you I liked to study! I believe I found myself once more! And yes, I was right here the entire time! But it’s important to know this was a slow process. This is especially true because for the first nine years, MS only amounted to a huge inconvenience. You only knew I had it if I told you.

Right now I sit at the computer struggling to remain upright, as my core strength is weaker. Today that is. So I’m hard pressed to sit up similar to a baby learning the same thing. This new symptom may be transient. It’s better for me to think it is, but I’m prepared if it’s not. So, my electric scooter is at attention, walker nearby and husband within ear shot. I feel safe. I still do the things that I enjoy, just maybe a little differently, a little slower, or maybe with an accommodation or two. For instance, soon I’ll probably need some sort of voice recognition software on my MAC. But I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it!

~Nicole

About Nicole Lemelle

My name is Nicole Lemelle. I am a writer, activist, married woman and a person living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I created My New Normals to educate those who do not understand MS, reassure people with similar plights and inspire everyone to seize command of their lives. You can find me on my blog; My New Normals, Twitter- @nclark140, Tumblr or email me at nicole@mynewnormals.com

7 Comments:

  1. XOXO! I know that every challenge has a reason why it been happening, just continue raising all the goodness from God and let him be yours… Have a lovely,because life never ends.. Just a start!

  2. Life is always full of unexpected things we don’t want to have but is given to us. Being strong and faith is our armor to survive life’s challenges. You’re story of being strong inspire’s other lives. Be blessed always.

  3. We can’t forget our pain in a day, but we can heal our emotional wound by seeing it as an experience we can learn from and focus only on what you can change, don’t focus on what you can’t control, think positive and the positives will come.

  4. Keep the faith. Everyone is praying for you. You have been an inspiration for us all that we must cherish life and do not give up.

  5. Life is full of trials, but every trials and problems have solutions. Always expect changes.

  6. Love the attitude Nicole. Living with MS is all about problem solving and you seem to have grasped this and moved forward. I try to adopt a best result philosophy to help me cope. Good luck for the future. Peter

    • Thank you for taking the time to comment Peter! I’m sure Nicole will want to touch base with you herself, but I just need to thank you personally! I couldn’t agree with you more, in order to enjoy life we need to problem solve and move forward!
      ~Linda

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